Recognize when you're telling (and when it's effective)
Example 1
Read this paragraph and see if you can identify which parts are showing (dramatizing) and which parts are telling (explaining).
Alex pressed his ear against his bedroom door. Pa was stumbling into the foyer, slurring and cursing at Ma. Every second Friday, Pa came home like this, after spending a considerable portion of his paycheck at the bar. Heavy footsteps came up the stairs and Alex scampered into bed.
The third sentence is telling. It explains why Pa is coming home drunk. Note that this small piece of backstory is triggered by something happening in the current scene. It’s so short, it doesn’t stop the story.
In short bursts, telling reinforces the showing.
Example 2
Read the following paragraph and identify where it is showing and where it’s telling.
Lucas closed the door and with trembling hands tore open the envelope. It was filled with page after page of undecipherable legalese. He’d have to wait for Dad to come home and sort this out. Dad was a corporate lawyer.
The last sentence is clearly telling. The author is pointing out a convenient fact for the reader. Instead of telling this fact, how could the author have shown it?
The author could have written a scene with the father arguing in court or spouting off dialogue in legalese. But writing an entire scene whose purpose is simply to establish a single fact is overkill.
In this case, telling is is more effective than showing because it’s much more succinct.
Example 3
Suppose our story had this line in it:
Harold was a good singer.
Is this telling? It might be depending on whose opinion it is. Characters are free to share their opinion (in their thoughts or out loud).
However if it’s the narrator who’s assessing Harold’s musical talent, the writer is asking the reader to trust them. While it may be true that Harold is gifted, it can be helpful to reinforce that claim with concrete examples. Perhaps we could describe Harold performing for an applauding audience or the music awards hanging on his wall.
Reinforce telling by showing examples.
Example 4
Read this example and identify the parts that are showing and which are telling.
Before joining the gathering crowd at the cafeteria entrance, Sandra decided to make a quick stop at the washroom. As she walked in, there was a flush from one of the stalls and Margo come out. They exchanged hellos before Sandra entered a stall. Sandra expected to hear the sink and the hand dryer, but she didn’t. Margo had left without washing her hands.
There’s a lot of telling going on here. In the first sentence, Sandra is deciding (a filter word). Technically, the writer is revealing a character’s intention. The same is true in the fourth sentence (Sandra expected…). I think this type of telling is okay as long as we’re in that character’s POV.
The third sentence (they exchanged hellos) is a summary. The scene could have dramatized Sandra and Margo greeting each other, but the small talk would be boring to read. Summarizing these details helps move the story along.
The last line is blatant telling. It shows that the writer doesn’t trust the reader to come to the obvious conclusion.
Telling is useful when it summarizes the boring parts, but it should be removed when it provides conclusions that readers should be able to reach on their own.
Tell to Summarize
In general, telling glosses over the details and moves things along. There are times when we don’t want to delve into the finer points. Consider the following cases:
- Smalltalk – Characters greeting each other or wrapping up their conversations. Often, this is omitted, but there’s nothing wrong about summarizing their meeting like “Jim introduced himself and settled across the table from Susan.”
- Moving ahead in time – We can skip over all the happenings in those three weeks and jump right to the next major event. For example, “Three weeks later…”
- Moving to another place – Do readers really want to read about all the steps of going through airport security and waiting in line to go through customs and boarding? Instead we can jump from one location to another with a summary. For example, “after an uneventful flight, she she landed in Paris…”
Tell to Avoid Repetition
Suppose your story shows Sally’s awful day at school. She failed an exam, was bullied by an older student, and was embarrassed by a teacher. Sally gets home and her older sister, Heather asks her why she’s so upset.
If we were to show the entire conversation between sisters, we’d have Sally recounting her day, repeating information the reader already knows.
Here, telling would be more effective. We could simply write “Sally told her sister what happened at school.”
Genres
Certain types of stories might lend themselves more to telling.
Short stories need to be concise. They typically don’t get too deep into the characters or the backstory. If they do, those elements can be told rather than shown for the sake of brevity.
Stories for younger readers may require more telling, because they may not be able to reach their own conclusions as quickly as adults.
First Drafts
When writing your first draft, don’t worry about showing or telling. Most first drafts gloss over the details and summarize the key points. Much of that telling can be expanded upon during later revisions. If you are outlining, most (if not all) of your description will be telling.
To Tell or not to Tell
When it comes to telling, ask yourself:
Does the reader need to know this? Would it be better to dramatize it, instead?
Remember, some mystery in your stories is okay.
In the end: Show, don’t tell, except when it is better to tell.